Many of us are still living our lives trying to keep up with the Joneses.  We have developed an insatiable consumer mentality that craves designer clothes, fancy cars, and oversized houses in high-consumption neighborhoods where the Joneses live. Watch the debt add up.

We buy designer clothes (expense – primary), and in order to keep them looking good, we must dry-clean them (expense – secondary); I mentioned to my dry cleaner that it seems like I keep paying for the same clothes over and over again. We buy a fancy car (expense – primary), and in order to ‘enjoy’ our fancy car, we need to wash it weekly (expense – secondary) and detail it monthly (more expense).  We buy a big house (expense – primary).  Now we need to furnish it (expense – secondary), and since the house is in a fancy neighborhood, we need lawn care (more expense). Now because we have this image, we dine in fancy restaurants so we can talk about it to our fancy neighbors and our fancy co-workers. And, the kids – celebrity sneakers, designer jeans, and the most popular shorts so the kids can fit in – more expense.

By the time we get done keeping up with the Joneses, we are over-extended, broke, and stressed out. And here is the kicker: the Joneses came to their senses, sold the big house, had a tag sale and moved to a right-sized house in a culturally-diverse neighborhood.

All of this describes some of us to a tee. Some of it describes some of us. For the lucky few that can’t relate because they are living within their means, congratulations!  The other 99.9%, read on.

While I was in the mortgage business, I unfortunately saw the profiles of people who were one or two paychecks away from financial disaster. Most of us can afford to live the way we are living as long as nothing changes. There is no room for error however; don’t lose your job, don’t need to replace your brakes, don’t have an emergency because if you do, watch out!

Where am I going with this? It’s time for us to become mature with money. It’s time to take control of money instead of giving money control over us. To take serious control of money means that we take control of our lives. And as we take control of our lives, we must examine our needs because needs drive our desires and our desires drive our actions.

I remember learning in elementary school that we have three basic needs – food, shelter and clothing. Every other need we create in our minds. In today’s society, we can make a compelling argument for a few more basic needs but they are really only choices we make. It’s time for us to make these choices with awareness and maturity. Overextending ourselves on wants is not mature. Most of us, present company included, function on impulse but basic needs are not frivolous impulses. You know well in advance that you are going to be hungry, that you will need to rest in a comfortable place, and that you will need to dress for the weather. We have given up control of our lives with artificial needs.

So who have we given up control of our lives to, and how do we take back control? 

Ultimately, as mature adults, we are solely responsible for our actions, including our financial actions. However, we are also constantly reminded by the media and advertising that our self-worth is defined by what we have – our material possessions – the myth of the Joneses. A myth that sometimes drives us to pursue what we cannot afford and into the debt traps of high-interest loans and credit cards.

I am confident that there is a lifestyle enlightenment happening in which we are beginning to realize that we don’t need 10 pairs of jeans, 20 pairs of shoes, 5 winter coats, an over-stocked cupboard, an extra room for guests, an SUV that gives us 12-20 miles to the gallon, and designer sneakers. We are realizing that we have become mindless consumers of what Robert Kyosaki calls “do-dads” in his book, Rich Dad, Poor Dad.  It’s time to be fully aware of our decisions and be peace with ourselves as a result of our mature decisions.

When we develop financial maturity we will work less, have more and give more. We will take pleasure in our lives again, talk with our neighbors, and spend more time with family. If you think this is a utopian dream, think again. We were doing it here 25 years ago, and it’s being done in other parts of the world today. I was talking to a friend from Italy who mentioned that in parts of Europe, the only card issued is a debit card. While I was in Germany, I had this verified by another friend.  Excessive credit and debt, in some parts of the world, imply a lack of discipline and a superficial existence.

I am suggesting here that we take a look at how we live our lives. Put money in its proper place: as a servant to you versus you being its servant. That is the definition of wealth, by the way – having money work for you instead of you working for money. If you haven’t read it yet, read The Millionaire Next Door by Thomas Stanley and William Danko. It will shed light on the Joneses and who the real millionaires are. My grandmother used to tell me not to follow fashion or “no falla fashan” in my Jamaican patois which meant not to try to keep up with the Joneses. She didn’t have my education, but I wish I had her wisdom.

Marlon Lindsay is the Publisher of the First Time Home Buyer magazine. Contact him at 860-761-6801 or by email at marlonlindsay@mac.com.